


not with a bang but a yelp

by strange_estrangement



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Experimental Style, Gen, Multimedia, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-14 07:46:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 44
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19268845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strange_estrangement/pseuds/strange_estrangement
Summary: What happens when you visit dozens and dozens of motels every year? You leave Yelp reviews.





	1. Wyeth's Western Inn

_**Recommended Reviews for Wyeth’s Western Inn in Richardson**_  
D W.  
1 Friend | 65 Reviews | 5 Photos  
★★★★★  
fuckin love cowboys dude. go longhorns

 

S W.  
1 Friend | 103 Reviews | 23 Photos  
★★★★★  
How many animal figurines does one room need? Good water pressure though.


	2. Wyeth's Western Inn contd.

dude don't put shirtless pics of me on the internet 

dude try wearing a shirt 

asshole 


	3. Pierpont Hotel

_**Recommended Reviews for Pierpont Hotel in Cornwall**_  
D W.  
1 Friend | 72 Reviews | 5 Photos  
★  
IM NOT GAY

 

S W.  
1 Friend | 131 Reviews | 24 Photos  
★★★  
Beds were comfortable but management was not.


	4. Pierpont Hotel contd.

DICK 

payback's a bitch 


	5. The Brew City Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for The Brew City Motel in Milwaukee**_  
D W.  
1 Friend | 73 Reviews | 6 Photos  
★★★★★  
smelled like beer

 

 

S W.  
1 Friend | 133 Reviews | 25 Photos  
★★★★  
Free VCR but the room smelled like beer.


	6. The Big Ride Inn

_**Recommended Reviews for The Big Ride Inn in Providence**_  
D W.  
1 Friend | 74 Reviews | 6 Photos  
★★★★★  
two words. magic fingers.

 

S W.  
1 Friend | 135 Reviews | 26 Photos  
★★★  
Don’t share a room with someone who loves Magic Fingers.


	7. City Centre Motor Hotel

_**Recommended Reviews for City Centre Motor Hotel in Black Rock**_  
S W.  
1 Friend | 182 Reviews | 32 Photos  
★  
The heating unit spontaneously caught fire, and then I caught fire.


	8. City Centre Motor Hotel contd.

gives new meaning to the phrase gettin lucky huh sammy 

you’re an idiot 


	9. Sawmill Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for Sawmill Motel in Elizabethville**_  
D W.  
1 Friend | 81 Reviews | 8 Photos  
★★★★★  
magic fingers. love the ceilings.

 

S W.  
1 Friend | 187 Reviews | 34 Photos  
★★★★  
Hate the ceilings. Comfortable beds though.


	10. Flamingo Des Palm Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for Flamingo Des Palm Motel in Broward County**_  
D W.  
1 Friend | 83 Reviews | 9 Photos  
★★★★★  
great shower. fuckin flamingos man

 

S W.  
1 Friend | 190 Reviews | 36 Photos  
★  
I only spent two nights here technically but it was so shitty it felt like months. Fuck flamingos. Your radio station sucks.


	11. Flamingo Des Palm Motel contd.

hey sammy

do you remember when

we used

to dance

i swear to god dude 


	12. The Astoria

_**Recommended Reviews for The Astoria in Pontiac**_  
D W.  
1 Friend | 87 Reviews | 11 Photos  
★  
changed my mind. i hate mirrored ceilings

 

S W.  
1 Friend | 302 Reviews | 87 Photos  
★★★★★  
Best night of my life.


	13. Moonlight Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for Moonlight Motel**_  
D W.  
1 Friend | 89 Reviews | 11 Photos  
★  
who the fuck lets kids trick or treat at a motel? it’s a motel.

 

S W.  
1 Friend | 315 Reviews | 90 Photos  
★★★★★  
Free wi-fi.


	14. Moonlight Motel contd.

if i ever see that little punk again

oh yeah you'll what

shut up


	15. The Residency

_**Recommended Reviews for The Residency in Cold Spring**_  
S W.  
1 Friend | 365 Reviews | 100 Photos  
★★★★★  
I'm sorry about the blood.


	16. The Pineview Hotel

_**Recommended Reviews for The Pineview Hotel in Vermillion**_  
D W.  
1 Friend | 102 Reviews | 16 Photos  
★  
only losers go to conventions and only loser hotels host conventions and to top it all off the front desk guy drives a hard bargain

 

S W.  
1 Friend | 426 Reviews | 127 Photos  
★★★★★  
The other reviews said this place was haunted. Don’t worry. It’s not haunted anymore.


	17. Econo King Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for Econo King Motel**_  
D W.  
1 Friend | 132 Reviews | 17 Photos  
★  
shitty security. would it kill you to put a bolt on the door?

 

S W.  
1 Friend | 465 Reviews | 131 Photos  
★  
I’d literally rather die than come back here.


	18. Econo King Motel contd.

dude

what

you got your clothes on this time sammy

this is worse!


	19. Rook's Inn

_**Recommended Reviews for Rook’s Inn in Easter**_  
D W.  
1 Friend | 133 Reviews | 18 Photos  
★★★★★  
comfortable beds

 

S W.  
1 Friend | 596 Reviews | 227 Photos  
★★★★  
the headboards look like shit but the windows are the perfect size for pitching a man out. theoretically.


	20. Rook's Inn contd.

nothin?

no pissy text?

pissy about what

the pic

you can do what you want dude


	21. Travel Lodge

_**Recommended Reviews for Travel Lodge in Elwood**_  
D W.  
1 Friend | 138 Reviews | 20 Photos  
★★★★★  
loved the microwave. really came in handy

 

S W.  
1 Friend | 602 Reviews | 229 Photos  
★★★  
corn? really?


	22. Crow's Nest Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for Crow’s Nest Motel in Bodega Bay**_  
D W.  
1 Friend | 159 Reviews | 21 Photos  
★★★★★  
good water pressure


	23. Buffalo Hump Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for Buffalo Hump Motel in Missoula**_  
D W.  
1 Friend | 162 Reviews | 22 Photos  
★★★★★  
love the name, you freaks

 

S W.  
1 Friend | 662 Reviews | 237 Photos  
★★★★★  
Hate the name.


	24. Arroyo Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for Arroyo Motel in Kermit**_  
S W.  
1 Friend | 683 Reviews | 276 Photos  
★★★★★  
She saved my life.


	25. The Moonlight Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for The Moonlight Motel in Oklahoma City**_  
Castie L.  
2 Friends | 1 Review | 1 Photo  
★★★★★  
The television functioned correctly.


	26. Moonlight Motel contd.

dude you gotta change that picture

Is this not what you and Sam do?

yeah but you gotta scratch out the faces

you know, redact

I don't know how to do that, Sam


	27. Two Rivers Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for Two Rivers Motel in Colorado**_  
D W.  
Lebanon, KS  
2 Friends | 172 Reviews | 23 Photos  
★★★★★  
free ice!


	28. Two Rivers Motel contd.

 

we'll laugh about it some other time

 


	29. Diamond Tim's Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for Diamond Tim’s Motel in Enid**_  
S W.  
Lebanon, KS  
2 Friends | 711 Reviews | 282 Photos  
★★★★★  
Dog friendly, and I don't just mean the German Shepherd.


	30. Diamond Tim's Motel contd.

hilarious

"we'll laugh about it some other time"

yeah yeah laugh it up chucklefuck

 


	31. MacCarthy's Scottish Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for MacCarthy’s Scottish Motel in Hartford**_  
Jody M.  
Sioux Falls, SD  
91 Friends | 67 Reviews | 49 Photos  
★★★★★  
My plaid-clad companions took one look at the wallpaper in this room and changed out of their plaid, which was absolutely worth it.

  
S W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 715 Reviews | 283 Photos  
★★★  
I think someone slipped a mickey into my Scottish breakfast.


	32. King's Ray Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for King’s Ray Motel**_  
Castie L.  
3 Friends | 2 Reviews | 2 Photos  
★★★★★  
The accommodations included a bed and bathroom; they were, therefore, adequate.


	33. The Black Spur

_**Recommended Reviews for The Black Spur in Beulah**_  
D W.  
Lebanon, KS  
0 Friends | 184 Reviews | 26 Photos  
★★★★★  
you wanna eat drink and fuck your way thru north dakota? this heres a good start


	34. The Black Spur contd.

call me. please dean. you're not at the motel. please call me back

 


	35. County Line Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for County Line Motel in Superior**_  
D W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 199 Reviews | 27 Photos  
★★★★★  
i was in a bad place when i stayed here. the room was fine though. started out that way, anyway


	36. Lizzie's Bed and Breakfast Museum

_**Recommended Reviews for Lizzie’s Bed and Breakfast Museum in Fall River**_  
D W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 207 Reviews | 27 Photos  
★  
scam

 

S W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 796 Reviews | 302 Photos  
★★★★★  
So fucking cool. Not actually haunted by Lizzie Borden, unfortunately.


	37. Travel USA Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for Travel USA Motel in Grand Rapids**_  
D W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 215 Reviews | 30 Photos  
★★★★★  
free with their records, god love em

 

S W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 801 Reviews | 308 Photos  
★★★★★  
Good sense of history in this place.


	38. The Ozark View Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for The Ozark View Motel in Eureka Springs**_  
D W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 236 Reviews | 33 Photos  
★★★★  
i don’t remember this room, but my brother tells me i loved the tiny vodkas. i guess i had trouble finding the ice machine though

 

S W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 834 Reviews | 315 Photos  
★★★★  
The room was fine but my brother couldn’t find the ice machine.


	39. Wild Elk Lodge

_**Recommended Reviews for Wild Elk Lodge in Lincoln**_  
D W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 242 Reviews | 34 Photos  
★★★★★  
this place had a doorman! fresh towels! tiny shampoos! A POOL

 

S W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 838 Reviews | 316 Photos  
★★★★★  
Comfortable.


	40. Mountain Slumber Boarding House

_**Recommended Reviews for Mountain Slumber Boarding House in Rock River**_  
D W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 250 Reviews | 37 Photos  
★★★★★  
cool it with the antique dolls dude

 

S W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 846 Reviews | 319 Photos  
★★★★★  
You probably won’t get murdered here anymore.


	41. Stampede Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for Stampede Motel in Dodge City**_  
D W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 263 Reviews | 40 Photos  
★★★★★  
fuckin love cowboys dude


	42. Stampede Motel contd.

hey you ever hear of hoodoo brown

Yes, Dean.

you know what his real name was?

hyman

I know, Dean.

🙄


	43. Millenium Motel

_**Recommended Reviews for Millenium Motel in Raton**_  
D W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 293 Reviews | 43 Photos  
★★★★★  
great place to drop a tab and stare at the wallpaper if you know what i mean

 

S W.  
Lebanon, KS  
18 Friends | 916 Reviews | 328 Photos  
★★★★★  
Really comfortable couch in the room. Weird wallpaper.


	44. Dowlings Boarding House

_**Recommended Reviews for Dowlings Boarding House in Charming Acres**_  
S W.  
Lebanon, KS  
3 Friends | 918 Reviews | 329 Photos  
★★★★★  
Hated the town's ambience at first, but it turned into a whole nother town overnight.

 

Castie L.  
3 Friends | 3 Reviews | 2 Photos  
★★★★★  
I am told that the milkshakes will change one’s life.

**Author's Note:**

> If you managed to page through all these chapters per my #creativevision, you're a trooper. Thank you. Thank you also to [thegeminisage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegeminisage) for suggesting I include pictures, which I think was a very good idea. 
> 
> Yelp was founded in 2004, and the first review occurred in October of that year: "dirt cheap, good falafels." The site got a revamp in 2005, and the rest is history. 
> 
> Each of the motels in this so-called "fanfiction" is a place the characters visited in canon, although occasionally canon did not deign to give the motel a name. In these cases, I made them up.


End file.
